There's something to be said... *just a muddlemess of my thoughts today*

about time.  In one way it completely sucks how it just keeps ticking by...  we get up, go to work, come home, and everything is the same,, yet oddly enough, nothing is the same.  The kids have grown even just a teenie bit, they have learned, irritated, babies get older, parents die,*or they are supposed to die before the kids*.  And pain... it seems to lessen as time ticks by.

(not exactly sure how I want to say this so stay with me)

 11 months.  47 weeks, 334 days,  

 That is what tomorrow is.  That is how long it has been since I got to kiss my  husband, hug my baby, look at their warm faces. That is how long it has been since I started this journey that I never once thought I would be on.

11 months of tears,

47 weeks of heartache

334 days of continually telling myself I can do this,, and I have to do this.


11 months of love

47 weeks of support

334 days of continually knowing someone has my back


11 months of trying to fit this new skin given me

47 weeks of new friends

334 days of learning to love all over again


11 months of growth

47 weeks of discovering just how strong I really am

334 days of knowing that forgiveness is the key

the key to:

• being able to smile again,
• laugh and actually mean it,
• hear video of their voices and not break down into a sobbing blubbering mess, 
• allowing myself to be happy and falling in serious like with another human.  
• learning that in-spite of our differences we can still love and support each other
• letting go of what doesn't matter
• loving and caring more
• realizing what is really important

I sit here in awe of the road I have traveled this last year. Of the outpouring of love and friendship.  The cards and messages I have received from people thanking me for helping them, through whatever trials they are facing.  When you face your worst nightmare, does a new one replace it, or can you tackle anything else life throws your way?  *a question I am NO WHERE NEAR asking!*

People ask me if I have plans for next month,,, the 1 year mark,, my plan is the same as every other day for the last 334,, get up, get dressed,,finish putting the final touches on my son's man cave,  put a smile on my face, and hopefully, make a difference in someone else's day! 

And then the next day,, I am going to the airport to pick up my oldest son at the Airport after he has served the Lord for two very long years in Georgia. I will hug him, and kiss him, perhaps give him a smack, as I am sure he is overdue... and share him with all my family and friends *there really is no difference at this point in my life fyi!*.  

Time will keep passing, and I will continue to miss two of the most important people in my life, and as time passes, the tears become less, the laughter becomes more, the heartache lessens, and we support and continue to hold each other up as we muddle through it, and pray we each come out on top.