Yep!! that is all happening this month!
First, Todd's daughter Ashalee was married on May 9th. In the St George temple. I really struggled with going. Not because I didn't want to go, I love this girl that calls me Mum, but because I didn't want to go to the temple alone. This was not part of OUR plan... we were supposed to do these things together. I wasn't supposed to enter the temple alone,, HE PROMISED ME I wouldn't have to. *sigh,, LIAR!* (don't go on about how I wasn't alone, and he was with me,, blah blah blah,, I know all that and I believe it, BUT IT'S NOT THE SAME, no matter how you say it, so please,, just don't)
The day was full of tender mercies, ones I didn't realize he had a hand in until I was able to look back on the day... first, our Bishop from Henderson, who is so much more than just our bishop, and his wife, my close friend, came up for the wedding,,, he willingly gave me a blessing to help me get through the day 'alone'. TM 2 = as we are walking into the temple, I see my dear friend Jacquie, who is a pillar of strength and my role model, I hugged her so tight, I didn't want to let go,, ok I never want to let go but still,,, I just wanted to soak up her awesomeness!!
As I got up to the doors of that beautiful building, my anxiety built and hit a new peak. I did not want to walk through those doors alone. I wanted nothing more than to feel Todd's hand holding mine, his thumb lightly stroking the top of my hand, *que tear fest #1928348,98390201* I am sure the Brethren at the desk were wondering what is wrong with this gorgeous, awesomely spiritual young lady who just walked in,, *just go with it!*
#3, I saw Ashalee as I walked in, and she got so excited and just hugged me! Filled my heart with happiness. She gave me the biggest hug and told me she loved me.
#4, As I am heading to the changing room, I see yet another awesome lady from our ward in St George, Jenny, and again, I hold on for dear life, as she whispers in my ear,, "you know he's here and I love you right?"
#5, all my female inlaws are in the changing room, waiting for me, or at least that is how it looked to me.
I was surrounded and greeted by awesomeness and support all day!! He was right there, not how I wanted him there with me, but there nonetheless
Mother's day.... It was the first time in 19 years I have not had a child in primary singing the primary's musical number to me, and it would've been his last year. I missed waking up to his arms wrapped around me as he snuggled in for a cuddle and to wish me a happy mother's day. I missed hearing him and his dad making me breakfast,,, or if Dad wouldn't get up, he would've come up with something fairly edible on his own.
Tender Mercies:
I heard another voice whisper "Dad, are we going to make her breakfast now?" as I slept on the couch. I kept my eyes closed and just listened, to the interaction between father and son, who were both, also, feeling an ever present void on this day. They made waffles. As I went to the table youngest boy pulled out my chair for me to sit, and brought me a plate,, making sure I had everything I needed to enjoy this feast!
I wouldn't have been able to experience this if both of our spouses had lived. We wouldn't be the friends we are. I wouldn't have a 'brother' so close that I would do anything for, and two boys that I love with all my heart, and just know when I need them close by!, that greet me with smiles when I come home from work,, that look sad when I told them in days past, that I wouldn't be home until late from work... Tender mercies!
I got to chat with my missionary too!! 90 minutes! And I loved every single minute of it!!! He is so good. I let him and his sister talk for a bit with my computer muted,, so I couldn't hear what they were saying... and glanced at the screen every now and then, to see them being the awesome friends they are! I can't wait to have him home again!!!
Wednesday marks 5 months. How have I done this for 5 freaking months? Most of it is a blur,, the parts I do remember are the happy parts, mostly. I look back and think of all I would have missed out on, if the accident didn't happen. I wouldn't have this incredible support system, the Usual Suspects! haha, a small group of us, all at different stages in life, dealing with the trials we each agreed to in the preexistence, none of which are the same, but all share similarities, we talk every day, we lift each other up, we let each other cry, we laugh, we roll our eyes, we vent, we feel. And I love all of them, and could not imagine my life without them,, odd considering I didn't know any of them 5 months ago,, and three of them are in my ward. Tender mercies!!
My ward family, they keep my head above water. I have never felt so protected in my entire life. it is truly an amazing feeling, to know I can call on any one of these people at any time and they all have my back!!!
Our 13th anniversary is on the 27th. Not sure how I will handle that. With a smile I am guessing.
Families ARE Forever. That is all I know. And I am eternally grateful for that knowledge.
*I'd write more, but alas, work is calling! haha*
Love love love...
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