Back to School,,,, I used to look forward to the days when I didn't have to buy school supplies, take kids back to school shopping, set my alarm for 5 am so I can make sure they are up for seminary *Not everywhere has seminary integrated into their school system Utah!*.
This week I see pictures of my friends kids with signs saying what grade they are going into, the brightly colored new back packs filled to the brim with sharp pencils, virgin white paper waiting to be inked, paints, notebooks with uncracked spines,, I want that.
We always want what we don't have right?
I never in a million years thought it would affect me like this, I never thought I would miss it. It would've been different if he had graduated highschool, if I had the opportunity to relish all his academic accomplishments and celebrate them with him like I did our other children. It is hard to be on facebook and see all your posts about how excited your kids are to start a new adventure. It's hard to see how excited all of you are to have the house to yourself's again. And please, I am not blaming you, and I certainly am in no way upset with you, I get it! I was there, only a year ago. I was so freaking excited to get back to a schedule, a routine. It just hurts my heart that I can't share in it with you. I want to be excited to have the house to myself again, to have a few moments with my husband before my boy walks in the door from school. So please keep posting them!!!
I get to think about something new this year. His eyes will see things in a different light, his heart still beats, and hopefully that person is excited for the new school year. Hopefully his heart flutters and is a little anxious at meeting the new teacher, making new friends,, did he just move this year as well? Hopefully his eyes will see all the wonderful things he/she can accomplish, maybe they are giving sight to a mom, who is anxious to get back to a routine again, or who is sending her baby off to first grade. Wipe them gently mom. I worked hard to make those eyes. Hug that heart just a little tighter will you please? You have no idea how much love is in that heart, bursting to get out.
I had a hard time with organ donation, until that dreadful night,, Now... Now, I love that part of my son still lives, and gets to experience this life.
https://video-sjc2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hvideo-xap1/v/t42.1790-2/11353770_1641829746040113_175762992_n.mp4?efg=eyJybHIiOjMwMCwicmxhIjo1MTJ9&rl=300&vabr=160&oh=92918c1ba8025b4bef7a6652fc5d02df&oe=55D4CBD0
because after all is said and done, Life does nothing, if not go on...
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