Smiling..

 People always told me that it would get easier, with time..  FALSE.  It's not that it's easier, honestly, the pain is still there,,, I'm learning to smile through it.  All it takes is prayer, faith, great friends, a willingness to let the tears fall when they need to and a desire to smile again.

I have great friends,, in fact I consider them family.  I can knock on their door, text them, go for walks with them, they let me laugh, they let me cry, they let me talk over and over about the same things without rolling their eyes,,, or avoiding answering the door or texts,, so I think  lol

I could not go through this entire process without these friends!  They are my rocks, my safe places.  And I love each of them!!

Another safe place for me is work!  I find such comfort there.... and it's odd,, it was the very last store Todd and Levi were in, they bought my Christmas gifts there,, I can even tell you the exact isle.
Being there,, feeling the energy from the other employees and the customers is incredible.  I love everything about it. I love greeting the people that come in to return things, or to fix over charges,, I love ringing people through the check out and being the last smiling face they see.  I thoroughly enjoy the banter you can have with some of them!  People,, YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!

So thank you,, to the friend who answers my text when on their way home from a date, or who texts me randomly in the afternoon to make sure I am having a good day, to the friend who comes to see me at work and gives me a hug, who messages me on facebook to check in, who invites me to dinner, cause honestly, cooking for 1 sucks, who lets their kids come cause chaos in my home because they know how much I miss it, seriously.., who calls me out for not going to temple night, who let's her husband drop everything to come change the battery in my smoke detector because if I got on a chair I could fall off and hit my head and no one would know,,, the customer who was frowning in line and leaves laughing, telling my manager I rock, on his way out of the store,, the friends who understand when I need to cry, need to talk or just walk in silence,, thank you for being my rocks,, my safe place.

I catch myself smiling more and crying just a little less, I catch myself remembering the happy times and not dwelling on the emptiness,, and I like that.

 

The red heart,, I added,, the pins,, every time someone does a survey and mentions my name I get a pin....  I've been told it's never happened in the first week,, until me.