Sometimes it's the little things,,,

That make life unbearable alone.  Two weeks ago I walked into my chapel for the first time,,,, alone.  I sat alone, by choice, and let the tears fall.  Never did I think it would be so hard to go to church.  Thanks to some fantastic friends after sacrament I was laughing and feeling so much better. 

This last week was rough.  The 2 month "anniversary" of the accident was on the 13,, then the annual, overly socialized suck up to your spouse day celebrations,, which Todd and I only ever did dinner on that day every year, there was an obvious void in my day.  Then I go to work,  there's a dozen gorgeous roses waiting for me, and a card, signed by all my coworkers, I truly have the best co workers in the entire world!!!!!

And along comes Sunday.  I'm grateful for friends that recognize when I need them to put me in a bubble and surround me with love and protection.  There are a couple reasons I have a hard time at church, Todd and Levi being gone are only one of them.  But know that not one is my strength of faith or desire to be there.  I may tell you about them another day.... Just not today

Certain lyrics in hymns bring tears to my eyes, oh who are we kidding,,, I bawl like a baby,,, ask me what hymns and I'll tell you they are the ones numbered 1-340,, I can usually make it through the last four without tearing up,,,, USUALLY!  

Going through all this has given me an entirely new perspective on life.  Things that used to stress me out and anger me,, really don't matter.  Not in the eternal perspective.  I was sitting with my bubble buddies in relief society and listening to the lesson,, ready for this,,,,, the topic,,, ENDURE TO THE END!  *never once have I thought a separate class for singles was needed until now!, not even when I was a single parent!),, I had to leave, and it was nothing anyone said,, honest. 

 I too am guilty of getting mad at my husband for not helping around the house, not picking up his clothes,, or getting frustrated because I had to cook dinner after dealing with kids all day,, or working while he "laid in bed sick", and Levi played video games all day. However,, all I could think of on Sunday, in the middle of relief society was,,, I would give anything to have a pile of laundry to pick up, or too much noise in my house, toys to pick up, a reason to get upset... Be frustrated with my kids,,,, oh what would I give????  

As I was talking to a younger than me friend of mine, who has had his own trials over the last few months with his wife being very very sick and hospitalized, he chuckled as i explained why I left class,, and he made a very valid point,,, some people's perspective is very different than my reality.  

While some are grumbling about laundry piling up, kids not sleeping, husbands or wifes being jerks, I tear up when I find a stray sock in the back of Levi's closet, or see boys playing outside, laughing and having fun, when I see husbands open car doors for their wifes, hold their hands,, kiss the, tenderly on the cheek.  So please, when it gets too much for you, and your kids are driving you bonkers..... Call me,, I'll come to your house, I'll kiss on your babies, and get on the floor with your little ones while you take a break, it wasn't so long ago I too longed for a break,, let me revel in the caous, I could use a break,,, from my reality.

Love the annoying things, breath through their childhood, stay calm in the heat of the argument,, because one day,,, you could be sharing my reality.