He knew when he could throw a fit, when he could argue, when he needed to be serious. Every one of his teachers had nothing but awesome things to say about him, his friends parents loved him, he was so well behaved, when he knew he needed to be! lol
He loved walking the temple grounds, he often told me that he liked how he felt when he was there, it "makes me feel happy and warm Mum, like my heart is full".
Fast forward to 2011, March 19th to be exact, He turned 8 on the 14th, and he was so excited to be baptized. And we were all going to the temple that afternoon to be a forever family, and be sealed together for time and all eternity.
Of all the kids, I expected him to laugh and smirk a little when he saw his Mum and Dad in their "special" clothes. Oddly though he wasn't the one that smirked. He was so very reverent, and respectful, and he knew,, he just knew. He was much older than his 8 years of mortal age. Of course after we were sealed, we could not get a "normal"picture of our family,, he was always such a clown, but he knew when he needed to show respect and reverence.
This picture, Levi is 5 yrs old and had run ahead of us
I look at this picture now, and think,, Oh he's waiting for me to catch up, just like he did that day!
He just knew what was important, I came across a post I had made a few years ago, when he had gotten birthday cards from both grandparents, he walked up to me and said "Know what I love the most about these cards Mum?", Me: What bud? (expecting him to say 'the money, duh!), Levi: that my family took the time to remember me on my birthday and send me a card, I love that.
WOW!! WHAT?? Yea, I hugged him a little tighter that day
About a week before the accident, I was downstairs putting stuff away, and Levi comes out of his Lego room, very solem and sad, and I ask him what is wrong,, here's the conversation we had:
Me - what's wrong bud?
Levi - I just thought it's going to be a long time before I see Jake again.
Me- oh me too, but we are almost at the year mark, we get to see him soon!
Levi - Yea but Mum, he'll get him and I will be on my mission
Me- Buddy, you have 7 years before you can go on your mission, we are almost half way done,,, (IF ONLY I HAD HEARD WHAT HE WAS TELLING ME!)
Levi - Yea, there's that, but it,, it's going to be a long time before I get to see him again.
I laughed it off and went up and told his dad what had transpired...
one week later,,, they were both gone, Todd had posted a huge thank you, the day before the accident, to all the missionaries that had been in our home and set such incredible examples for our children. THE DAY BEFORE!!! Why had I not listened,, Why had I ignored the signs?
I think they both knew, but they couldn't articulate it, for obvious reasons, Levi knew, Todd knew, That dang veil got in the way of letting me know. I feel so absolutely ridiculous for not over analyzing our conversation the week before, for not reading too much into Todd's post, when I saw it.
They are on their missions, and I am left wondering what other signs I missed,,,,
I think today, I will let my heart hurt and miss them a little more than I normally do. It can be healing, so I hear.
<3
