Onward and upward

No matter how much I ACT all tough and "heartless" I really do care what people think of me.  For some reason, when God was putting me together, my filter got misplaced, I tend to speak without thinking. and my fierce protective momma bear instinct was doubled, even tripled, and extends to not just my family but my friends I consider family, sometimes even a complete stranger that has been wronged will be included in that protective bubble,, you hurt them, I WILL SPEAK UP, GUARANTEED!   Sometimes it bites me in the ass, sometimes it opens people's eyes, hearts and minds... either way, it tends to happen more often than not.

 However, if I happen to offend you by saying something you don't want to hear, or "overstepping my boundaries" and becoming protective, and you don't tell me about it,,or you tell me I've hurt or pissed you off yet won't talk to me further about it,  who does it really affect?

I can only do so much to fix, not the right term but stay with me, how I have wronged you, or how you feel I have wronged you, and even that is pretty much useless if you are wanting to hang onto all that anger, hurt and resentment.  It is NEVER my intention to hurt any body.  EVER.  I rarely, if ever,  regret saying what I say or doing what I do.  I often regret how I say something, and I will do everything in my power to correct that.  It is who I am.  * just a little rant I had to get off my chest * So speak up people,, and no I don't mean right this second,,, *geesh I can just see the comments that are going to be left on this post now!*, if I offend you or upset you,, tell me, be willing to talk about it with me.

I'll never forget when we lived in LaVerkin, UT, and something had happened between Kenzie and her group of friends,, and she came home in tears, I had gone and talked to these kids, and called one of them a liar, not my proudest moment.. This girl went home in tears and told her mom what I had said, and the mom called me and said,, "I wasn't going to say anything, I was just going to let it go, but she's really upset and I thought to myself, NO, if this had happened to Kenz and she told Rhonda, Rhonda would say something to me"  TO THIS DAY, we have a great relationship, this mom and I.  I appreciate her telling me I had hurt her child, and she appreciated me listening to her and fixing what I had done wrong.

So,, who does it really affect? 

My thoughts are so jumbled up right now it is crazy,,  so I'm leaving all the negative behind.. my life is now and forever will be a HAPPY ZONE!, I don't have the time or energy to let negative thoughts, people or things into my life.

Ok on to FANTASTIC NEWS!  WE GOT A CALL FROM THE TRANSPLANT TEAM!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA

We go up to Salt Lake City May 14 for an all day appointment, we meet the nurse coordinator, the social worker, finance, and learn what to expect post transplant, what medications Todd will need, out of pocket expenses,*if this happens this year there will be NONE! WOOT WOOT*, and then we meet the nutritionist, have lunch, then the nephrologist and the surgeon.  SOOOOO FREAKING EXCITING!!!!! We just may make a mini vaca out of it and stay in SLC for a couple days.  I am slightly apprehensive of the unexpected, but we have been waiting for this for so long, we are ready.  I certainly know Todd is ready to feel whole again!! 

We have been talking alot about what our future holds lately, and he can't wait to start work, do what he feels he needs to do, what he loves to do, and that is provide for me and our family, I didn't realize until the other day how much it kills him that I am the one that HAS to work to support our family,, this was NEVER his intention when we got married. He always told me I would only work if I wanted to, not because I would have to.  I never thought about it, about how my working affects him, honestly it makes me feel kind of awesome, that I am able to *somewhat* provide for my family. ONWARD AND UPWARD PEEPS!!!!!!

Here Goes Nuthin!

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!! I simply can NOT say that enough about the power of blessings and prayers!! Seriously!  We had a very close friend of ours come give Todd a blessing in preop, because I wanted him to have one! LOL  Every thing went really well during the surgery and after.  We are both chalking it up to his hemoglobin being aLOT higher than what it was a month ago,, thanks to the Epo shots I give him once a week!!  Yep, I getta poke my man once a week ladies!! WOOO HOOOO

His color is back thanks to those shots,, they cost about $800 a pop,, YAY for insurance and deductibles that are met within 3 weeks!  hehe, he really does look so much better!  When the surgeon, Dr L, came out and told me everything was great and he could go home for real this time in an hour or two, he also said that we could and needed to start dialysis asap.  I'm thinking,,, DUH!

So we stayed the night thursday night at Kenzie's, as a precaution, I like knowing every one of our medical team is close by if there is a huge emergency.  And we got up and left Friday morning, racing our Dialysis nurse to our house. She had to bring down the machine, and program it so we can do it, and do a home visit for the first time.  Mad race to clean up the bedroom ensued!

She comes in, and gets everything going for us, and we are off,,, couple clicks, and hooking up a couple hoses and we start!   She leaves, and I am waiting for some alarm on the machine to go off.... what do ya know,,, 4 am comes, I wake up and Todd is still alive! I'm telling y'all,, RN material RIGHT HERE!!!!

Erma looks like she is having way too much fun here,, either that or they are both sick of me snapping pics every freaking time! hahahaha Todd doesnt look scared at all either right???  *giggle*  

We go through the steps of doing a manual drain to get as much excess fluid off him as we can and unhook him.  and we are done.  First at home dialysis treatment completed! No one died or bled out or anything!!!  Now if I can just keep this up until we go for clinic on Thursday!!  heheehe

I am so grateful to our friends who jump up and take levi when he needs a place to be that has parents in the home after school, and for friends that call asking what we need, and what they can do.  AND friends that drop everything and come give both of us blessings to get through whatever is put in front of us.. and the BEST MEDICAL TEAM IN THE USA!!!!  Honestly,, we could NOT do this without any of you!!! Nor would we want to!  You are so appreciated! Thank you!

Round two

Well. 

At least no one can say we Johnson's do things halfway!!  They just took Todd back to surgery to move his catheter back to where it should be situated. 

No matter how many times they wheel him away it never gets easier. I will be laughing and joking with everyone right up until they come and say "ok time to say see you later". Que tears.  There's always fear. And as hard as I work to not feed that fear it lingers. Last time it was a little easier, to wait, Todd's parents were here with me letting me pace and walk and sit.  Just being here. Today they're on their way to Hawaii for their annual trip. Kenzie is at work, can't get ahold of Ashalee and my bestie has enough stress going on for 6 lifetimes. 

So I'll read. Play games.  Stalk you on Facebook right up until I see Dr. L walk out to tell me he's good to go.  

Tick tick. Tick. Tock. 

Set backs are crap!!

Sooo, we went to St George on Thursday for what was supposed to be our last weekly visit to the dialysis clinic,,, Wait,, let me back track a minute.

LAST Thursday, March 17, we were up for clinic and Erma asked if we felt comfortable draining the dialysis fluid at home, so she could send us on our way and we could get home at a descent hour.  "sure, NO PROBLEM! We got this!"  Well,, the fluid only had to be in Todd for about an hour, so we went to visit Kenz and hang out at her New BIGGER apartment!  "DING" timer goes off, and I meticulously go through the steps of sanitizing my hands thoroughly, giving medical masks to Kenz, Todd and I, closing the windows, turning off any fans, re sanitizing, opening up the supplies I need, re sanitizing, and finally hook up my patient,, *I'm telling you,,, BIG FAT NURSING DEGREE RIGHT HERE BABY!*, and YAY, fluid starts flowing,,,,,,,, and then,,,,,,, STOPS! WTH???   There is 2000 ml of fluid in this man's peritoneal cavity, where the crap is it,,, *follow the pun, you'll see it in a minute!*,  Quickly I call Erma, she says get down to the clinic,, off we go,,, the REAL nurse uses a syringe to try to siphon the fluid out to no avail, so she sends us to Xray, and that Todd is probably going to be diagnosed with FOS... her words not mine, although that hasn't stopped me from quoting her now! :)

So, we go to xray, and head home.  The next morning we get a call from Erma saying yes, it's FOS syndrome,, thanks to all Todd's meds he takes daily, he is literally FULL OF S*&^.  and his bowels/colon have his catheter trapped up high... to fix this,, he needs to poop, poop, poop, poop, poop.  Erma sent us home with meds the day before to help this process along,,, and we were diligent for the last week.

That brings us to yesterday,, we go back up to St Geez, go to xray, go back to Erma, and sure enough here is what came back
So, We are back home,, for now,,, and our Nephorologist, AKA KIDNEY DR, sent us home with something called "golightly"... hahahaha Erma said it should be called, GO, RUN QUICKLY!, It's what they give patients who are going in for a colonoscopy. It should clean you out completely!

So here is what we are hoping for,, Lots and Lots of POOP!  Before Thursday, when we go BACK to St Geez for another xray and hopefully, by clearing it all out, that curly q thingy in the circle on the xray, will descend on it's own to the rectangular area,, OTHERWISE,,, *sigh*  our surgeon will have to go back in and move it manually,, hopefully on friday!  We were supposed to start dialysis at home on Thursday this week.  Everything happens for a reason right???

As for the 2000 ml we pumped into Todd last week,, his body absorbed it.  Hopefully by clearing out his colon he will also lose a lot of excess fluid!!!



On the up side,,, I now have medical proof my hubby is totally and completely full of CRAP!!  *silver lining right,, I mean how many wives can actually say they have MEDICAL proof of this???*