That there was no turning back....
http://www.utahrealestate.com/1360814
now let me tell you why and how this came to past...
We came home from our cruise on Monday, and I walked in the door.. and something just felt different,,,, I can't tell you what it is, so you can ask, but that's the answer you will get.. it wasn't home any more.. it wasn't mine... that's the only way I can explain it.
I went to bed Tuesday night, everyone had gotten back to their homes, except Jake, it was just he and I, and I didn't sleep,, well I slept but not soundly, ,I vividly remember talking to Todd, I couldn't see him, the turd, but we had an all night conversation. We talked about what to do, where would I go, was it ok,, would I be ok? We talked about everything. I woke up Wednesday with the very thought of "it's time,, let's do this"
So I talked to my mother in law on wednesday and shocked the stink out of her. And told my kids I was thinking of selling and moving to an apartment. I mentioned to them all that I still can't go downstairs without falling completely apart.. this is just too much house for one person. When I don't want to be one person in this house..
I got a blessing and was told there was other work and help I was to do in other areas,, *I don't remember the exact wording, but I was told this is the right thing to do,, *
Before she signed with the realtor she called me again and asked if I was sure I wanted to do this,, that I didn't have to, and we could make it work, etc etc etc... I just said I was ready.
So we listed it, and now I am sitting here in tears because change is happening yet again,, at my hand this time... it's bittersweet. because I didn't think I would ever leave.
I have to work at forgiving him every single day. It was easier when I thought he was sober,, it was easier before he denied any wrong doing in court, when he got sentenced to his lousy 10 days in jail,,,,, now it is a decision I have to make every single day, and I deserve peace. I deserve to be able to walk out my front door without the fear and anxiety of running into the man who did this to my life.. I deserve to go to work and come home from work without passing the crash site, every single, day. I deserve to be able to go to church and not wonder if he is looking at me, or what he is thinking, or if I am going to pass him in the hall.... so you may see this as a selfish move on my part,, but dangnabit,, I DESERVE PEACE. I am not going far.. I am staying in the valley! Preferably on this side of bangerter highway haha. and I could be here for another 6 months,, When it's the right time,, it will sell. and I will find the right place to go. In the mean time,, PARTY AT MY HOUSE!!!!! Bring boxes!!!!!
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Sunday, February 14, 2016
Making new memories...
It was a trip Todd and I had dreamt of taking our children on for years. A cruise. One were we could enjoy each other's company and build our relationships stronger than ever.
Plans change...
I decided we still needed to do this. I made the offer to all 5 of our kids. 2 said yes, well two and the invited fiancé! So we did it!!!!! Me, Kenzie, Jake, Jeff and my parents ( they've never been,, it was time!!) {so I'm blogging as the week goes and will publish it all at once when we get home. So this is one looooooong blog post!)
Day 1:
Saturday at 10 pm we headed to the airport in Salt Lake City. Our flight was scheduled to leave at 12:40. We are on our way. We landed in Miami at 8 am. What a very long night. We finally got on board our ship CARNIVAL BREEZE, and got into our cabins at 12:30! Yayayayaya!!!! We grabbed lunch on the lido deck and just sucked in the ambience. It's so fun to watch your loved ones experience things for the first time. 😊
We had a mandatory safety meeting as per usual on every cruise, then we went to dinner. Tonight's menu: calamari, strawberry bisque, chicken quesadilla, as appetizers, then braised pork for momma some Indian vegetarian dish for papa, corn chowder, ratatouille( more appetizers) roasted chicken with stuffing and veggies, for Kenzie mahi mahi for me, garlic roasted chicken for Jake, brisket for Jeff! Dessert was a strawberry parfait thing unsweetened, date and fig pudding, fresh fruit, Nutella tiramisu, and molten chocolate cake!! Then it was time for the super bowl pool side baby!!
Now we are all laying exhausted and happy in our cabins relaxing and planning tomorrow's schedule, and Jeff and Jake are waiting for their free chocolate milk and grilled cheese room service!! Life is good. God is great and family is all that matters.
Day 2: we are at sea all day looooong!!
We started it right by going to the gym and getting our fitness is, because climbing 5 trillion stairs every time you want to go to another deck simply isn't enough! Momma, Pappa, Kenzie and I went and listened to a presentation this owning about the different ports and excursions we could go on. Then then kids (Kenzie, Jeff and Jake) went hot tubbing while Mum,Dad and I listened to a presentation on how the navigate the ports and get the best experience. Then it was a buffet lunch and then bingo! No we didn't win, dangnabit!
We quickly went back to our cabins and got ready for formal night tonight. The new food we tried::: fried oysters. YUCK! But hey!! Dad, Jeff and I all tried it! Spaghetti carbonara, Prime rib and lobster tails was for the main course, yummmmmm
Cream brûlée, chocolate lava cake and hazelnut chocolate cream cake for dessert. (We are definitely hitting the gym tomorrow!)
Day 3: Tuesday, haha I'm losing track already!
We ported in Jamaica mon!!! We wandered in and out of the stores on the pier. Saw some amazing diamonds and tanzanite. And other gems. Bought some
Souvenirs and ate authentic Jamaican cuisine at a road side pub type restaurant. As we are getting ready to board the ship I got to thinking about how much Todd wanted to do this with our family and how I wish he was with us, and the one song that lets me know he is with me came on (see you again by whiz kalifa), over the speakers in the shopping area, 😀😀😀 I may or may not have let a year or two fall.
Then we boarded the ship and set sail for Grand Cayman. For dinner we had peach soup, ox tongue(nasty crap!, seriously who decides what part of the animal is edible??) beef tenderloin for dinner and dessert was brioche or pie. (Pictures are coming. Hope I get them up in order)
I went to bed early simply out of sheer exhaustion. These stairs are killing me. Our rooms are on deck 6, dining room is deck 4, gym is on deck 12 and the lido deck is on 10! And yes we stair it. I think I've been in the elevator 4 times this entire cruise (we are on day 4,, I'm a day behind!)
Day 4: (Wednesday)
GRAND CAYMAN BABY! This is what I have been wanting to do for years! Swim with the Dolphins. They announced this morning early that the governor of Georgetown had closed the town port to
cruise ships due to weather. Dangnabit!! However... We were able to port on the other side and our excursion of the dolphin swim and sting ray city had NOT been canceled!!! YIPEEEE! Off we went!! Took a small tender boat to the island and then a bus where we needed to be,(we didn't get pics of the dolphin swim because they wanted $35 a picture!!) we got to have the Dolphins swim with us while we held onto their fins, they pushed us on our feet with their noses, we got to pet them and yes we even got a kiss from them. It was seriously a once in a life time experience!! Something we have wanted to be able to do with the kids, especially Mackenzie as its been one of her favorite animals for a very long time.
After we were done with the Dolphins we jumped onto another boat and headed to sting ray city. OMG!!! They were every where!! Just swimming along the sandbar. We got to pet, touch, and even get a massage from one. Then we got to feed them. Squid! Hahah dude when we can master the suction power of a sting ray,, that's the vacuum I will invest in. The one that ate from my hand sucked my knuckles in! Haha
The ocean!! Omg it's seriously like glass. So many different faucets of blue and clear!! Crystal clear!! We got the pics from the sting ray people for way cheap. So they will be posted soon. Also we were allowed to take our cameras with us, where they wouldn't let us with the Dolphins. So I'll post those as soon as I can.
As we got back on the ship to get us back to dolphin cove, I just sat back and soaked in some vitamin d and thought how much Todd and Levi would have loved this day in particular, guess what song came on,, yep SEE YOU AGAIN, Mackenzie and I both looked at each other and without saying a word, we just knew they were with us. Had been the ENTIRE DAY!!! We may or may not have let a few tears fall down our cheeks. Don't tell me there isn't a higher power,, I happen to call Him God, and I am so grateful for the Tender mercies He sends to my family daily to let us know we aren't alone... EVER!
Now we are back on board waiting for the dinning room to open. Elegant dining again tonight.
Can I just throw out there how grateful I am that I get to do this with some of the most fabulous people on earth?!?!
Day 5: Cozumel Mexico baby!! We debarked the ship and wandered through the little tourist shops they had lining the dock. We enjoyed the atmosphere and the ambience. And then we had lunch at Ponchos back porch restaurant, and ate real Mexican cuisine. No other place makes guacamole better! Just sayin!! The kids chilled beachside while us old folk went back to the ship and rested. Then it was dinner time and of course we dining roomed it! Steak tacos, tortilla soup,,, I'll have to look at the pics to remember what all was served this night, so I'll update it after I load the pics.
Day 6: day at sea!! We started the day with a brunch that they only served twice the entire week, on days we were at sea. Yummy steak and eggs anyone?!?!
We just stroller the ship all day. Mum, Dad and I went to a country line dancing class. Yes I got on stage, yes I looked like a goof, no I don't care! I had a hoot!! Then we watched a love and marriage game that they did with three couples from the audience. It was rather funny. Then we played bingo and didn't win! Oh well. The kids were on deck playing in the pools/hot tubs and laying in the sun. Dinner was frog legs, French onion soup, bbq flat bread, pumpkin cheese pie,, it was rather tasty, jerk pork tenderloin, ravioli, veal parmasean, and chicken breast. Dessert was baked apple, chocolate Lava cake, ice cream, banana white chocolate bread pudding. It was a fantastic day all in all.
Day 7: back on land. Oh reality checks suck!! We are in Miami for the night. It took us about 3 hours to debark off the ship. And about another hour to get to the hotel. So now we are relaxing and chilling in our room, which is smaller than we expected but hey... Memories!!!!
Day 8: headed home
It's been a week full of fun and making incredible memories with some stressful points, a few bumps and rough spots but there's no one else I would've rather done this trip with. #trulyblessed
I will post pictures as soon as I get home and have a chance to download them.
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