There is no timeline,, at times I desperately wish there was. I would love to know when I can expect life to get back to "normal" hahaha
This morning, I was sitting at my desk, working from home, and glanced at my phone and this pic popped up on my timeline from 9 years ago... 9!!!!
He will be 17 this year! He was 11 1/2 when he was killed. 5 1/2 years have gone by since I got to celebrate a birthday with him. Since I got to hold him in my arms, argue with him over processed foods and what's for dinner, watched him excitedly put together the newest lego set, 5 1/2 years and I still cry like it was yesterday, when I let it. Do I wish there was a timeline for grief,, YES,, yet I am glad there isn't as well, as life has a whole new normal now that he and his dad are gone from our lives for now. I get to remember all the good!! And the bad,, and laugh at how absurd some of the bad was, that we chose to let be bad.
So today, I will let the tears fall as they may, and remember all I can about my baby. I have to remind myself that it's ok to not be STRONG every day. It's ok to cry, and let myself be vulnerable. And it's ok to struggle with this new normal. As exciting as it is, and as happy as I am, I am allowed to still miss them both, and I am so blessed that I have people in my life that accept and EXPECT me to do exactly that.
The tears don't fall as often as they used to, every once in awhile though we all need a good cry,, we need to let the hurt hit us, no matter what the hurt is...
So, I will just keep pushing forward, with two of my all time favorite men forever in my mind, never forgotten, and every once in a while, I will let them surface and follow my heart on letting the love I have for them leak out my eyes. if you see me leaking, feel free to hug me. <3 <3 <3
