So I said it on facebook

That there was no turning back....

http://www.utahrealestate.com/1360814

now let me tell you why and how this came to past...

We came home from our cruise on Monday, and I walked in the door.. and something just felt different,,,, I can't tell you what it is, so you can ask, but that's the answer you will get.. it wasn't home any more.. it wasn't mine... that's the only way I can explain it.

I went to bed Tuesday night, everyone had gotten back to their homes, except Jake, it was just he and I, and I didn't sleep,, well I slept but not soundly, ,I vividly remember talking to Todd, I couldn't see him, the turd, but we had an all night conversation.  We talked about what to do, where would I go, was it ok,, would I be ok? We talked about everything.  I woke up Wednesday with the very thought of "it's time,, let's do this"

So I talked to my mother in law on wednesday and shocked the stink out of her.  And told my kids I was thinking of selling and moving to an apartment.  I mentioned to them all that I still can't go downstairs without falling completely apart.. this is just too much house for one person.  When I don't want to be one person in this house..

I got a blessing and was told there was other work and help I was to do in other areas,, *I don't remember the exact wording, but I was told this is the right thing to do,, *

Before she signed with the realtor she called me again and asked if I was sure I wanted to do this,, that I didn't have to, and we could make it work, etc etc etc...  I just said I was ready.

So we listed it, and now I am sitting here in tears because change is happening yet again,, at my hand this time... it's bittersweet. because I didn't think I would ever leave.

I have to work at forgiving him every single day.  It was easier when I thought he was sober,, it was easier before he denied any wrong doing in court, when he got sentenced to his lousy 10 days in jail,,,,, now it is a decision I have to make every single day, and  I deserve peace.  I deserve to be able to walk out my front door without the fear and anxiety of running into the man who did this to my life.. I deserve to go to work and come home from work without passing the crash site, every single, day.  I deserve to be able to go to church and not wonder if he is looking at me, or what he is thinking, or if I am going to pass him in the hall.... so you may see this as a selfish move on my part,, but dangnabit,, I DESERVE PEACE.  I am not going far.. I am staying in the valley! Preferably on this side of bangerter highway haha.  and I could be here for another 6 months,, When it's the right time,, it will sell.  and I will find the right place to go.  In the mean time,, PARTY AT MY HOUSE!!!!!  Bring boxes!!!!!