I tend to ramble when I blog, I have way to many thoughts running through my head. So for that I apologize now. If I dont get them out,, my head will explode, and that would just leave a HUGE mess for me to clean up, which I couldn't because well, my head would be all over the place,,, see what I mean!! :-)
With the exception of yesterday, these last couple days have been really hard. I go to bed exceptionally early, or rather try to, due to my crazy work schedule during the holiday season. Yes we are in the holiday season in the retail world, and to those of you who cry out "Let thanksgiving have it's day first!", I say,,, we did.. October 7 was thanksgiving,, In Canada, so let the Christmas bells ring. Anyway, I digress, Hubby has had a really rough few days. Between all these stinking meds he takes and struggling to keep food down, he tends to sleep most of the day. well, not really sleep, but more lay down and think his stomach calm. I leave for work and he's in bed, I come home and he's in bed. He's gotten up in between to get our youngest out the door for the school bus, and he calls me after he leaves letting me know how the morning went and how he is feeling, then heads back to bed. (I panicked a couple of times when we came home from the hospital the first time because he didn't answer the phone when I called him and I had a friend go check on him to make sure he was ok, so now he calls to let me know he woke up and is breathing)
I always ask him "did you take your meds?" and the response is usually a long pause with a frustrated sigh. I get it,, I really do. I have seen what these meds do to him. Yes they are keeping him "alive" right now. Keeping his blood pressure down, keeping his heart from growing that horrid sac of fluid around it AGAIN, keeping his kidneys from shutting down for good and his body from retaining fluid and bloating up. They are also keeping him nauseous, dizzy, light headed, foggy, quick to anger, and just about every other negative symptom out there. Seriously, it's like the drug commercials out there,, "...may cause bloating swelling, temperment issues, diarrhea, sweating, nausea, vomiting, etc etc etc, see your dr if you have any concerns" WHO WOULD WANT TO TAKE THAT?????
We have talked to the dr about this, and our dr laughed good heartedly, saying, "that's how I know you're taking your meds. If, when I ask you how are you feeling and you tell me fine, and I ask if you are taking your meds and you say yes,,,, I know you're lying" Well played dr... well played.
It's hard for me to watch my husband go through this. I am a fixer. I don't like it when something is broken and I can't fix it or make it better. And he does really really good at masking all he is going through, to the outside world, but I see it daily. I wish I could take his meds for him. I wish he had listened to me over the years as I nagged him to take better care of himself. I wish the pharmacist that screwed up that prescription hadn't been working THAT day. I wish, I wish, I wish...... I hope that anyone who is reading this blog that has diabetes learns from our mistakes. Yes they are our mistakes, I bought the groceries, I am the one who said, "we deserve a treat", and brought all that crap into our house over the years and sat and ate it with him. I share the blame in where he is at.
And now all I can do is hope and pray that whomever out there that happens to stumble upon this blog, and has that horribly silent and very deadly disease, will have their eyes opened and realize that a shot of insulin will NOT fix the high blood sugars,, permanently. The only thing that will do that is diet, discipline and exercise.
That is all,, nothing more,,, nothing LESS! I have heard of people who's diabetes all but disappears and they live with it, they don't suffer from it. I wish I had listened to them earlier.
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