Besides when I try to get motivational, I sound all cocky, and bullheaded,, and truly I am not. AT ALL!.. not when it comes to being me anyway.
My goal through this life is to simply be the best ME that I can be,, that is seriously hard enough. I don't have time to be perfect, my house could be cleaner,, probably should be cleaner, considering there are only two of us living there and we are both only there part time.... My life should probably be more organized. I tend to fly by the seat of my pants, I like order and structure, but I love spontaneity. Nothing thrilled me more, then when Todd would walk in the door and say "let's go to california with the kids for the weekend" and we, well I, would pack us up, and be ready when they got home from school that day!
Life is hard... sometimes it downright sucks butt.. *sorry mum*. And when HUGE things happen they can make it harder. I look back on our lives, and there are so many things we should have done differently,, we should've saved money when Todd was raking it in, we should have taught the kids how to be financially responsible, we should have loved more and yelled less, hugged more and spanked less, enjoyed each other more and shushed less.
I was lucky in that I was older when we were blessed with Levi, I realized that the little things, didn't matter. Who really cares if you have cereal for dinner, 4 days a week? Who said it was just for breakfast to begin with? Why can't we have dessert first? Who said appetizers can't be strawberry shortcake? Who says you shouldn't wear that swimming suit? Or wear those 6 inch heels? *ok stay with me here, there are clothes that are definitely made for the teenie tinys out there, and for women with curves, we do need to dress for the body we have, not the one we wish we had!* I got numerous dandelion boquets, and they sat on my counter in a glass, I was told to watch this or asked to listen to looooooooooooooong drawn out, intensely detailed stories of dreams, and admittedly I tuned out most of what was said to me,, *wish I could change that too dang it!*
I am grateful that when all my kids were little, I put on that swimming suit and got in the water with them.. Although even now, I look at pictures, and think *UGH ARE YOU KIDDING ME?*,, my kids look at the same picture and say "Oh I remember this, this is when I jumped off the high diving board and you caught me mum!" They dont see the whale of a body that has grabbed them from the depths of the water they just plunged feet first into,, they see unconditional love and acceptance. They feel trust towards that unconditional love and acceptance.
I can hardly wait to have little people around again,, seriously. I can't wait to get on the floor and play cars, or barbies, or whatever freaking gender correct toy they come out with by this time. I can't wait to watch the ants scurry on the ground preparing for winter, while holding a little's hand. To hike up a mountain and talk with my tween grand kids, to let them know they are the most important people in so many peoples lives.
Yes.. I post the ugly pictures, I send them to friends, to my kids, because there will come a day when that is all they have, and I am hoping when that day comes, They will look at those pictures of their dorkie Mum and remember her laugh, her smile, the look in her eyes, when they caught her just looking at them for no reason, and maybe, just maybe, they can laugh, and smile and feel all the love I have for them overflowing on a daily basis!
I put this on facebook and the likes and comments were almost instantaneous,
I have many flaws. I don't particularly like my picture being taken.. I really don't like getting in a swimming suit, and there are other things I don't particularly like doing. HOWEVER, once I am gone, all my family will have left is memories of doing things with me, and the pictures that we took. I love that my kids have memories of playing in the pool with me, in the lake, they don't know that I wanted to puke every time I saw myself in the mirror with the swim suit on, they don't know how uncomfortable I was walking in front of people, they don't see my chubby face in the pic, they see my smile, they are flooded with memories of laughter and love, of happiness and being together. Life is too short to be nit picky. So put on that swim suit,, We all feel just as uncomfortable,,, take that picture with your babies, , Post it, share it, and know you are loved beyond words.
Then I got a message from a sweet lady I met years ago...
The meer fact that I am being told that I am an inspiration is overwhelming. This blog was simply a place for me to vent, to get through this crap we call life.. and to come out a better person for it. That is all I want. So I will keep posting, and blogging, and if it can help just one person, remember what is truly important, and get them through their crappy day.. then YAY!!!
just me being crazy!!!
I have friends that went to the cemetery with me yesterday,, and we took this picture,, I wish my one friend would stop seeing the negative in every picture,, these girls are gorgeous! ALL 3 OF THEM!! And the strength of the two on each side inspires me.. to keep going! I see no flaws in this picture, I see love, and happiness, and friendships that I am forever grateful for... *she may kill me for posting the pic so if I don't blog soon,, call the cops! ;-)* I love these two ladies so very much and am honored to call them both friend!!
Now,, who wants lunch?? I will order the appetizers for us! :-)
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