This is what I was expecting to be the hardest weekend for me yet. It's a weekend full of traditions in our family. It's Canadian Thanksgiving,, *the American's are the ones who decided to freaking change it to November, the losers!, back during WW1 or 2,, can't remember which,, google it!* and it's Todd's birthday,, cue tears.... wait, what,, no tears... just love and happiness!
Saturday I finally was able to go to a BYU game. The very thought of entering the stadium without Todd with me, scared the crap right out of me... I have wanted to go all season, but let my anxiety win every time and just didn't do it... until Saturday,, *dun dun duuunnnnnnn* I had a couple friends go with me, and OH EMM GEEE we had a blast! My anxiety that I had been anticipating all day was nonexistent. It was like Todd was right there with me the whole game,,, well until half time when I went to text him "DUDE You are missing THE best game right now" bahahahaha I texted Kenz instead when I realized what I was going to do, and yep I laughed about it, because let's face it, He totally had the best seats in the house! It was our tradition that at every touchdown BYU scored we would kiss,, so one of my friends stepped up and filled that spot for me,, haha kisses on the cheek between friends is the next best thing! *who wouldn't wanna kiss this??*
Saturday night I got home late, and walked in to my sweet girl, her fiance, and their friends waiting for me to get home! We had so much fun! We laughed, played,, I jumped on Jeff,, seriously love that kid, and am thrilled he is going to be part of my family!
Sunday morning we got up and started cooking our holiday feast!
We went to the cemetery on Sunday in between all the fun, how I wish desperately I could take this pain and heartache from my babies,,,
Can I tell you Kenz makes a bomb turkey! And I love that she wants to do it,, every year! Unfortunately, in the USA turkeys are few and far between until the END of October, so all we could get was a 15 lb bird,, to feed 45 people,, so I sent Kenz to Smiths' to grab a ham at the 11th hour and we threw that in the oven! Everyone that came brought something to share, We, well everyone else, sang Happy birthday to Todd, I struggled with it, I wanted to do it, but I couldn't sing, I just sat there feeling so completely overwhelmed at the love these people, most of whom have never met him or Levi, gathered around to break bread with me, love me, to encourage me to do the hard things, and let me know they are proud of what I overcome on a daily basis... There are no words to express how much each and everyone of you mean to me! And I guarantee you will be greeted on the other side by a man with tears of love and gratitude streaming down his face as he thanks you for loving me through this!
Today is his birthday. Today he would be 45. Today I would take him out to dinner, shower him with love and presents, Today Levi would rummage through his room and find the perfect thing to give his dad. Today I would wake him up with a kiss and tell him how very much I love him....
Today I am going to have lunch with two of my best friends.. girls who have never met this man, who tell me continually they can't wait to meet him and how much they love him for loving me. Today I will go to the cemetery and put a balloon on his headstone, and a flower for our boy.. I will go out for dinner with his parents. Today I will smile as I feel his arms around me, as I feel his love for me and my love for him fill me to the brim.
Today I will take a moment, maybe shed some tears, most definitely laugh at the memories. And Tomorrow, I will carry on, carrying on.
Photobomber Carlie Parslow
Me and Tom, thanksgiving dinner!
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