Blessings and moving forward...

We were promised back in December that if we paid our fast offerings we would be blessed beyond reason,, something close to that wording anyways.  I have always struggled with fast offerings, never struggled with paying my tithing,, that has always just be the Lord's money as far as I was concerned, fast offerings were a completely different story though.  So when we were promised this, the very first thought that popped into my head was,, "great, seriously,, can't pay our bills, but pay $15-20 a month and you'll be blessed,,,,, right!'  Not exactly sure why my faith seemed to waiver at that thought, but it did.  *sigh*

So we started paying our fast offerings, maybe to prove our Bishop wrong,,, but I did it.  Every month since December we have paid our fast offerings.  (it's been three months, yea I know, but stay with me here,, the climax of the story is coming I promise!)  We pay our tithing every week and on the first sunday of every month we include our fast offerings.  The first time I paid it I handed the envelope to our Bishop and said,, "you know this is going on complete faith here right?"  He chuckled and said "well how else are you gonna get your blessings?"  Ok point noted.

Well since we have started paying this, we have been abundantly blessed.  Todd has insurance, which took hold February first... with a $950 deductible,, which we have already paid, *he's awfully expensive to keep around, but I love him*,  He is scheduled for a vitrectomy  surgery on his eye TOMORROW! and it's 100% covered because we have already met the deductible!!!  WOO HOOOO  this is a $25,000.00+ surgery! and the dr is hopeful that Todd will regain most of his sight again! YAYAYAYAYAYYA.

He is also scheduled for surgery to place the catheter for dialysis for March 3!!,, and Soon we are meeting with the transplant team.

These are JUST a few of the blessings we have be given.  And it actually took a letter from Jake to point them out to me. I just get soo wrapped up in the day to day stuff, that although I know we are being blessed, sometimes I forget to notice.  Jake said in his last letter to us,, and yes it was all in caps!  EYE SURGERY, DIALYSIS AND A TRANSPLANT,, WOO HOOO WHAT BLESSINGS WE ARE GETTING, although I wish they had come a little sooner  lol"   This brought tears to my eyes for many reasons,,, 1, HE recognized the Lord's hand in all this, before I did
2. I needed my missionary boy to remind me of just how blessed we are. 

And yes we are definitely blessed.  Our prayers are being answered.  * I love my faith and the strength I get from it*

Although all these things are happening right now, I am so very scared,, ALL THESE THINGS ARE HAPPENING RIGHT FREAKING NOW!!!   Every time they put my husband under anesthesia there is a threat that his heart will stop, that something could go wrong.  I try not to go there.  Really I do.  It scares me though.  I don't know what I would do if he didn't wake up.  I'm not done being happily married yet.  This is my biggest fear.   Rarely do I let Todd see how stressed and worried I am about him and his health. He really doesn't need the stress.  BUT, yesterday when we were on our way home from his pre op for the catheter operation, tears just started rolling down my cheeks.  He didn't notice, ha he hasn't had his eye surgery yet! ;)  As we got through mesquite, I took an exit and parked the car, he looked at me and noticed the tears,, and asked what was wrong telling me I had nothing to worry about, that he was going to be fine.  And all I could say was "don't die on me please!  "  "I need another 20+ years with you!!!!"  And he just pulled me into his arms and onto his lap,, which is a little awkward considering I'm no size 2 and I drive a VW Beetle!, but it's something he used to do all the time, before he got sick, and it's something he hasn't been able to do for quite a while.  We just sat there, off the exit holding each other, him telling me how much he loved me and that he wasn't going anywhere, and me just hanging on tight.  *I totally get the saying "love hurts"*

I know in my heart of hearts that everything will work out the way it should.  I know I need to keep my mind from going towards the negative thoughts.  Sometimes it's just so completely overwhelming the only thing that will help is a blessing and a good cry.  The blessing I'll get tonight!

Kenzie is coming down tonight to spend some time with Levi and help out over the weekend, which is AWESOME!! I miss her. I miss having her help me around the house.  I miss seeing her every day, and getting a hug.  So yea I'm excited she's coming down, I love having adult children!! Although I have no clue why they all feel the need to leave me!!  :)

Thank you for all your love, support and prayers! I will keep you posted on Friday's surgery and how it goes.  You can youtube it to watch part of what they are going to do to his eye.   Kinda intriguing actually!

Hug your kids more, yell less... say I love you ... and mean it.