overwhelmed

I really don't like when I get like this.  Melancholy.  Not sure why, but feeling the need to release emotions that have been pushed down and tucked away into the dark places I like to hide them. 

We got a call from Todd's retna dr's yesterday, they are ready to do a surgery on his right eye to remove the blood that has been pooling behind his retna.  Hopefully this will improve his vision, no guarantees though.

 I text my Bestie and start sucking the knowledge from her brain, this is her line of work, her area of expertise after all!  And she tells me it is like open heart surgery for the eye.  I think my blood pressure skyrocketed at that point.  She was quick to get it down though, saying they have perfected this surgery and it's now an outpatient procedure. *breathe Rhonda*

Ok we can do this,,, I go down the list of things we have to do to prepare for this,,

his preop appointment is today when I get off work,
I have to book the day off work,, at least the day, depending on how he's feeling maybe the weekend,, NOT GOOD,, it's a big sale day at work,, the boss is not gonna like this.. *sigh*  I hate missing work, it just adds to everyone else' stress and honestly, we are all stressed enough there as it is!

I'm trying to remember to not stress about things I can't control.  The surgery date is something I can't control.  It is what it is.   This is a surgery we have waited over a year to have, and it's only going to cost us about $100 thanks to Todd's insurance coverage! So that relieves some of my stress.

Moving forward: My goal, lose myself in service.  Help others, it seems to lessen my burdens.

Soooo.....

I got up this morning, made my lunch, and breakfast, sat down and read my scriptures, although I really need to do that when levi can see me doing it!, and started trolling on facebook.  I'm sitting here, scrolling through things, watching different videos, of love, talent, and eye opening events, looking at people's different posts and the different stages we are all at in our lives.  Feeling completely overcome with emotion.  I watch a video of a veteran listening to how some young people defaced a statue, and he takes his grandson to a movie that is about one of the wars, *don't judge, my memory sucks and I haven't had a history class in forever, but it was a "day that will live in infamy* and tears well up in my eyes.  From this day forward, every service man and woman I meet, who is in uniform or I can see they are a veteran, I will stop and say thank you.  They have earned that from me.  I regret not thanking a young man that was in our store yesterday. I said hi to him, smiled, he smiled back and returned the greeting, and I kept living in my own little world.  Shame on me.  Won't happen again!

I continue to scroll down and see that my girlfriends son has been released and is back home with his family.  Tears fall down my face.  I love this mom, she is a rock.  Always so strong, no matter what trial her family is facing, always gracious and loving.  If I were where they are right now, I would hug this mom, and her son that is back home.  He will never fully comprehend how much I love and adore him, I don't think I comprehend it to be honest.  There is just something about him that draws me to him., and to watch him go through the trials he is going through breaks my heart, both as a mother and a friend.  You know who you are! AND I pray you know how very much I love your entire family, and wish I could carry some of your burdens and fight certain battles for you!! <3

I have another friend who is at odds with her life.  Living in limbo if you will,, and I would love nothing more than to swoop in and fix everything for her.  Make her life better, she deserves it, she deserves to be treated with the respect and love that has been lacking in her marriage.  It angers me, it frustrates me, and it truly saddens me.   All I can do is be here for her. Listen, give advise when asked.  Let her know, and she does, that I am here.

As I see all these posts, and videos, I am forever grateful for my trials.  The Lord certainly knows what we can handle and how well we will handle it.  I believe this. I couldn't do what these two women, specifically, are doing right now.  I don't have the strength.  So thank you ladies, and to all my friends, who continue to inspire me to keep pushing, keep getting up in the morning, and keep going to bed at night, and doing it all again the next day.  Doing what needs to be done to get where WE want to be.  I feed off your examples and strength.

AND I Love today!!!!!  It's the best one yet!